Dan's Pregnancy Fears

12 March 1997

I woke up this morning feeling sick again. I was really hungry, all I wanted was Ice cream and Sardines topped with tomato ketchup, surely that can't be normal. I was looking at myself in the mirror this morning and I thought hmmm, I'm getting a bit of a fat bastard, but I'm still deeeaaad sexy. I suddenly thought to myself, OH NO! what if I'm pregnant? What will my parents say? How will I be able to afford it? Where will the baby come out? How could it have happened? What will my friends think of me? But then I started to think logically, I thought that I could make loads of money and sell my story to the papers. It suddenly dawned on me, Don't you have to have sex to get pregnant? Then I wondered, what about that time I was wanking in the bath? Maybe the sperm got in through my belly button!! If it could happen to Arnie, it could happen to anybody. I know what i'll do, i'll take a pregnancy test in the morning. Got to go now, me dinners ready.
Love Dan

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